“I’m not chasing the art world and what it’s supposed to be, I’m trying to find what I’m supposed to be…
That’s what I’ve been doing for 50 years.”
Nathan Oliveira

Nathan O. has a piece up in the new de young museum that i love for it’s expressive dark gestural qualities. i figured out that he’s 78 and might still teach at stanford, so there’s a fighting chance i could really contact him:)

i’m having a weird time trying to mesh my quirky kid’s book characters with my expressive charcoal drawings, etc. do they need to co-exist? should i develop 2 “styles”? so much contradictary info out there on illustration. i also am having, as you’ve read before, this quandry about STYLE and am i a painter or illustrator? and how to demarcate the two, and i guess in this world of ours… market myself?

my art director teacher says “you don’t need a style, you’re too young, but make things consistent”. ack? he also says there is no difference between painting and illustration and that i’m overthinking everything.

my life drawing teacher is coming from the other side and allowing me to see that perhaps the difference between painting and illustration is it’s intention and accessibility. do i want to communicate clearly? i sort of like keeping my art a bit mysterious and forcing the reader to spend more time looking.

i just have to remember that the answers are in the art, and myself. and in time. 50 years for mr. oliveira.

i’m having a show with a bunch of girls in february, we call ourselves “art club”, and excitingly they are all older than me and also in my school! imagine that, we all have 3’s in our numbers. so we sometimes joke that we’re the old ladies amidst the nine-TEEN year olds. anyhow, i think we’re going to call it: “go into your self”… which is a quote from the poet rilke. i’m psyched! we’re trying to think of ways to incorporate handmade wallpaper onto the background of all of the walls. maybe silkscreened. any ideas? we’re also looking for a shag carpet.

what i love about collaborative art making is that it feels like the closest thing to being 8 and bringing your barbies over to your friends house and making elaborate scenes. y’know?

i’m feeling chatty right now, but really i’m stressed and in finals, so i might not be much of a chatty person for the next week. pardon me. i am so so so so excited to be sitting in maine by the woodstove in a week!!! did i mention i have bug bites all over? my neck, back, tummy… fleas? spider bites? bed bugs? i’m a bit freaking out. it may be stress induced welts. not sure, but it’s a swell way to be when you’re trying to concentrate on drawing. wish me luck please:)