i found this picture the other day when i was looking through old fotos. it reminds me of “home”. i made it one december night while living with my parents for a month a few years ago, after unexpectantly being laid off from a job. i re-inhabited my old bedroom next to the attic where my bed is in a little alcove where little teenage memories float around.
in retrospect it was a month of discovery and grounding and a bit of sadness. i was seriously missing hugh (we had been dating for less than a year and were having a difficult time with the long distance and awkward phone calls) and wasn’t sure what my next step would be…
i spent almost a year “un-employed” volunteering at an art gallery, a homeless shelter leading expressive art nights with the kids, cooking at the yoga institute and started making my own art and had my first show! it was a long hard wonderful process of digging deeper until i hit some well water. it just occured to me why i’m so attracted to the image of a diving rod and how i feel like i’m constantly holding one and saying, “is this right? tweaking it a bit… what about this?”
that december i painted a mural in my parents hallway, made lots of “bad” paintings that i gave as x-mas gifts and tried to figure out that weird space of being an adult, but living in your parent’s home and falling into old dynamics.
i feel fortunate to have another home to go home to. i love this kitchen and the sunlight pouring in reflecting off of snow, i imagine. my parents have since rennovated, but it has the same feel of warmth and familiarity of home that i hope i can re-create, am re-creating on my own.
tonight i made some faux chicken & rice soup with tofu for sick-o hugh (we had plans to go out to dinner for his b-day, but he has the fever) and am listening and loving jolie holland’s sweet voice. i love our little apartment home. this weekend i’m going to get serious about painting our bedroom the perfect shade of blue.