art by Squeak Carnwath

i have so many ideas and images filling my head. a list i must make.
*i met 2 truly beautiful women & talked of art and blog-life.
*the fashion of H&M and i refrained from buying. a trick: carry the loved object around for a long while in the store and contemplate if you will pine for this later? nope, was my answer. inspiring all the same!
*popping by yerba buena and inspried by the royal art lodge’s work.
*hanging my first curated show by a talented duo at triptych.
*mav’s delicious tree arrived in the mail! there are still some left! {she also included a blue one, which will post a pic to flickr!}

* discouraged with my painting on a deadline for school and killed it minutes before class. it makes me doubt it all when i do this, despite any past success. how do you handle this?
*completely in love with my man. i am stating this because… it is the kindness in his eyes and feeling it so fully. this feels like what i should be painting about. love. it’s so basic.

like so: i was telling hugh a story about how when i was about in 4th grade my bff and i thought {briefly} that we were going to be rich by selling pencils that we sharpied over in black, and then put sparkly clear and purple nail polish over. very time intensive for a quarter sales. we also wrote to a couple stationary companies {remember in the 80’s post-its with cartoons were very big?} and told them how much we loved their work and they sent us free samples. basically we thought we were peers. i’m dotting the lines and seeing the path i’m on from the early years. in telling hugh this story too, i realized too how much he gets me and the little stories. i think he adores me {and likewise}, my quirks and my true self. the marriage thing exacerbates all this love thought, i dare say.

*my mind too has been on artist Squeak Carnwath. Here is an excerpt from “… Simple list”

1. It’s simple really, to paint is to trust
to believe in our own instincts; to become
2. painting is an investigation of being
4. painting is an act of devotion. A practiced witnessing of the human spirit.
5. paintings are about:
& thought
10. Light is the true home of painting.
13. Painting, like water takes any form. Paint is a film of pigment on a plane. It is not in the real way gravity bound sculpture is real. It is however real. Painting comes to reality through illusion. An illusion which allows us to make a leap of faith; to believe. to believe in a blue which can be the wing of a bug or a thought. It makes our invisible visible.

{i, mati, have it scrawled on a piece of scrap paper in pencil from the library– they always have those squat pencils, and why?– and may be misquoted from my intelligible handwriting}