In the land of beginning again I’m trying to see who I am. What’s left behind.

In the land of beginning again my girlfriend gave me a drill and I borrow a level. And my ELKBY IKEA shelves get put up in exchange for a burger. And in the land of beginning again I sometimes play the ditz because it feels good to have someone help. Another set of hands to measure + hold + sweat + screw.

But then as the dry wall is coming out, I realize I am strong and smarter and need to take control.

In the land of beginning again there should be a tool kit:

  • condoms
  • duct tape
  • tissues
  • safety pins
  • “how to mend”

I am in the land of beginning again and more and more it’s all metaphor. Begin that painting again. Cover it over. Sand it down. It’s the energy of the marks that come through and happy accidents. Lean into the process. Trust it. Let it speak to you.

I wish I had a rewind button the students say. But if you made the painting once you can make it again. You know how to make it. It isn’t lost. Practice practice practice. But I want it to be good. I want to be good. What if you already are.

In the land of beginning again you throw out all the rules. You let the compost overflow. You fall asleep to “The Good Wife” again. You flirt online with a 30 year old Greek man. You remember you are good + loved no matter.